Rethinking Love

The Roxbury Guys, Saturday Night Live, 1998

By this all will know that you are my disciples if you have love among yourselves. — John 13:35 (New World Translation)

LOVE is the identifying mark of true Christians. This is what Jehovah's Witnesses teach. They believe that the "love" they show to fellow believers is proof of such divine identification. They claim that the love you'll find within the congregation is true love because only such love can originate with the almighty god and they are his people.

I thought I knew what true love is. Basically, I believed it was loving someone because they share your love of Jehovah and live in alignment with the behaviors set by his organization. For years I rejected the love of some and denied it to others because they did not meet my qualifications of love.

Instead, I surrounded myself with people like me that practiced conditional love. In return, they extended this love to me, and of course with many strings attached. If I choose to follow the JW protocol, then love would continue to be extended to me in the form of friendship and a support system, even things like dinner parties, meals when you're sick, and just overall pleasant treatment. But if I fall out of line, then I would be no longer worthy of their love and it would promptly be revoked. It sickens me to remember being at gatherings with my friends, even best friends, and think "this could all be gone in a second."

Not surprisingly, this teaching about love was very easy to let go of. Over the years I witnessed firsthand the hypocrisy of this "identifying mark," and saw the brutal treatment of non-JW and ex-JW. One of the worst victims I know of is my own sister. Disfellowshipped at a young age, she had some hard times. I painfully remember her pleading with me to be her sister and I harshly rejected her. Although I can't forgive myself for looking her in the eyes and saying "I can not have a relationship with you because you're disfellowshipped," she has and taught me a great lesson in love by loving me unconditionally even when I couldn't in return.

Love is long-suffering and kind. Love is not jealous, it does not brag, does not get puffed up, does not behave indecently, does not look for its own interests, does not become provoked. It does not keep account of the injury. It does not rejoice over unrighteousness but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. — 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (New World Translation)

Although I consider myself to be an atheist now, I still find the words at 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 to be insightful. Over the years I've spent countless hours meditating on the meaning of this text and researching JW publications for a deeper understanding. Funny, it's only now that I've left the cult that I’m finally figuring out what they mean.